If you have an iPhone or iPod touch, then you know how helpful some apps can be—like the one that makes navigating public transportation easier than navigating through your own house! Well, these aren’t those kind of applications. These are the ones that do little more than give us a good laugh. Poke around our picks for the best of the worst.
Love Calculator Pro (99¢)
Meant to help detect companionability between two people based on their first names, this app attempts to break things down in terms of the likely percentage of love, lust and like—before the awkward small talk. Photo courtesy of iTunes.
Useless? Perhaps. But void of sentimental value, this application is most decidedly not. Anytime, anywhere, cozy up with a loved one in front of a short clip of burning fireplace, made possible by Quick Time media. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of Apple.com.
Funny 500: Pickup Lines Lite (Free)
We don’t know if we love them or loathe them (bad pickup lines, that is), but we do know we’d have a lot less to poke fun at if it weren’t for them. This app provides an endless supply, complete with rating, e-mailing and bookmarking features. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of iTunes.
If only the Skin Cancer Foundation could see us now—trading in our bathing suits and tanning oil for a dose of harmless iPhone-based ultraviolet rays. This sensory-appealing app gives tanning addicts the bite of blue light they crave—cancer risk not included. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of iTunes.
Spin the Bottle (99¢)
The smooching game has gone digital. To play, users number the players to match the on-screen playing board and make the 3D bottle spin with a touch of the screen. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of Apple.com.
The Amazing Birthplace Guesser (Discontinued)
We’re guessing that a device designed to tell you where you were born is really only useful if you’re from the cast of Annie or suffer from a bout of amnesia. No wonder, it’s no longer purchasable through iTunes. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of Apple.com.
Shout It ($3.99)
There’s no use shouting about this app, in our opinion, since there’s no actual “shouting” going on. The app simply displays your typed-in question or comments in a large font loop across your screen. Though, admittedly, it would give a dose of prop power to the infamous “talk to the hand” diss. Photo courtesy of Apple.com.
Hold On! (99¢)
This game may very well be the perfect antidote for restless kids on long car rides. Though ultimately producing no admirable skill, this app requires a small amount of focus (holding down a button) and, if done long enough, can ultimately lead to schoolyard bragging rights. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of iTunes.
Cat Compatibility Test (Discontinued)
This app, which works by calculating the companionability of two potential feline friends based on their names, is fun for cat owners, but ultimately, belonged in the big smelly litter box of applications. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of Apple.com.
Fall Foliage (Free)
Miss the autumn leaf-peeping show? There’s an app for that. Load The Empire Group LLC’s app onto your iPhone or iTouch and watch nature do its thing from the comfort of your own phone. Experience it here. Photo courtesy of iTunes.