Top Ten Complaints of the Geek’s Wife

Naturally, as this blog is, we don’t hear as much from our better halves.  Our sometimes less obsessive, more socially adjusted halves.  I thought it might be a nice time to air some of their issues with their nerdier partners.

Fellas, this may save you a trip to the dog house (or at least a night on the sofa).10.    He wants me to dress as Yeoman Rand every Halloween.  Seriously?  She’s a Starfleet petty officer and she doesn’t wear pants?  And the wig too?  They wear bouffant hairdos in the 2260s?

9.    Yes, I know who Yeoman Rand is.  That’s actually in my head along with the fact that she was played by Grace Lee Whitney who was let go after only eight episodes, and all the factors that played into her being let go.  This is occupying much-needed space in my brain.  I think about this each and every time I forget where my keys are.

8.    He is more attracted to my World of Warcraft character than to me.  “Blood Elves have it going on,” I’m told.  Yay.  No, I did not download a patch to make her hips wiggle more when she runs, nor do I plan to do so.  Ever.  Stop following me.

7.    I have to sit through endless arguments with his friends on who would win in a fight between Aquaman and the Sub-Mariner.  Apparently, that’s the only crossover super-hero battle that can’t be settled with “They wouldn’t fight, they’d be friends.”  Trust me, I’ve tried it.

6.    He can remember every result in the critical success and failure charts of Rolemaster, but not when he was supposed to pick up my mother from the airport.  Or our anniversary.  Or that I’m allergic to walnuts.  And he expects an excuse like “These are minor hu-man details,” to cut it.

5.    He endlessly complains that George Lucas’s birthday is not a national holiday.  He feels that Lucas has given him more to believe in than any former president or historical event, like the Declaration of Independence.

4.    He thinks it’s funny to accuse Steve Jobs of being a time-traveler.  Apparently, the iPod constitutes “extraordinary evidence” to match his extraordinary claims.  Suggesting he were an extraterrestrial is right out, though.  Oh no.  “He can clearly breathe in our atmosphere unaided,” you see.  Yeah, that’s it.

3.    He refuses to vote for any candidate who does not openly endorse colonizing Mars, or building a tethered satellite system.  Supposedly, this would pay for itself several times over, and is our only chance to construct “reasonable defenses” against an “inevitable” extraterrestrial threat.  It’s also the best way to deal with over-population.  Well, that part actually does make some sense.

2.    Apparently, the baby’s first word was in Klingon, so I have no idea what she said.   I’m told it had something to do with slaying the dishonorable and drinking Blood Wine.  Mother will be so happy hear this (after we find her).

1.    When I said that the children should take up an athletic hobby his suggestion was “Broadsword“.  Now I get to bus the kids from church to the Society for Creative Anachronism on Sundays.  Try explaining the SCA to the minister.  I dare you.

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